The Joyful Flamingo
The Joyful Flamingo Podcast guides and empowers women to tune into themselves and zoom in on their own well-being through laughter, connection, knowledge, and celebration! We’re here to create a tsunami of self-discovered, self-loved, and self-understood women who show up in this world unapologetically and joyfully so that we can pass the torch for generations to come! Join us to start leading your most vibrant, aligned and joyful life.
The Joyful Flamingo
This One's For the Over Thinkers
Today's episode gets Emily talking about how her own chronic overthinking has affected her well-being. She invites you to consider whether this may be affecting yours as well and gives you some actionable steps to take to feel more confident making decisions, even if you don't know how it will all unfold afterward.
Time Stamps
0:28 - Intro
2:25 - Emily's take on why so many of us overthink
7:20 - Decision making fatigue and a trick to overcome it -- nothing's permanent
10:20 - Our brains makes 35,000 conscious and subconscious decisions a day
13:15 - How overthinking can often be confused with self-reflecting, problem solving
15:03 - Some signs that may indicate you're overthinking
16:30 - The toll it's taking on both our mental AND physical well being
17:45 - Using the 5 Second Rule and other tactics to stop yourself from getting on the overthinking train
21:30 - Recap and sign off
The Dr. Fowler Article
Connect with Emily:
On The Gram - @thejoyfulflamingo https://www.instagram.com/thejoyfulflamingo/
For Collaborations - thejoyfulflamingo@gmail.com
The Joyful Flamingo Podcast is produced by jpvoiceovers.
You can find them here : jpvoiceovers
*DISCLAIMER*
Just a reminder, that I am not a medical or psychological professional. Each one of my episodes has been inspired by my own experience and journey through life and is brought to you through my own opinions and my own lens. Any suggestions or advice offered here do not substitute proper conversations with your own healthcare professionals for either your physical or mental wellbeing.
If you're a chronic overthinker and have trouble biting the bullet on decisions that you've been contemplating for a long time, today's episode is for you. In a world where we have so much information to consider,
it can be challenging to take leaps in certain directions. My hope for you is that after today's show, you'll feel much more confident jumping even if you don't know exactly how it will all unfold.
- Hi there, friend, and welcome to the Joyful Flamingo podcast. I'm your host, Emily Schreiber, and I am obsessed with empowering women to tune into themselves,
to zoom in on their own well -being, so in turn, they can lead their most vibrant, aligned, and joyful lives. I wanna create a tsunami of self -discovered,
self -loved, and self -understood. women to show up in this world unapologetically and joyfully and to pass the torch on for generations to come. If any of that feels aligned with your vibe,
stick around. I'm so glad you're here. Now, let's go find our joy. Hey, hey,
hey, joyful flamingo flock, welcome to the show today. Guess what? What? We've now officially... surpassed the 20 episode mark. We're in our 20s.
How fun is that? I'd like to go back to my 20s. Let's go back to our 20s together. Be in your 20s with me. Whether you've listened to all 22 episodes at this point or maybe sporadically chosen the titles that have spoken to you the most,
or maybe you're listening for the first time today, I have to take a moment to tell each and every one of you that I'm love you and that that may seem intense,
especially if we've never maybe met before or you're listening to my voice for the first time today. But truly it means so much to me that over the past 20 plus episodes, people are loving the show enough to show up in the way you all are.
And I'm just so excited for what's to come. I mean, for those of you who who follow me on social media about a week and a bit bit ago, I've scrolled through all of the different countries that the podcast is being listened to in.
And we're world wide baby. It's really, really, really cool to see us show up in places like Sweden and Taiwan and Singapore. And I don't know,
it's just really neat. So thank you for being here. Let's get to it today. I got a question for you. Do you think about things too? too much?
Long awkward pause. Oh man, I, I am the queen of this. In all fairness friends, I don't think there's only one throne in this palace.
I think a lot of us are the queens or kings of overthinking. And I want to tell you why I think we've become this way. way too much information.
That's what I think it is. We have access to too much information. And if you haven't yet listened to one of the most recent episodes, it's called spring cleaning your content consumption.
Maybe you got to start there. Go and listen to that one because I think this idea of acknowledging the content that you're putting into your brain, acknowledging how much of it you're putting into your brain and how you're doing that is really,
really important. So, go. and listen to that episode. I think that this, this too much information at our fingertips is one of the big reasons why so many of us are feeling almost paralyzed by decision -making these days.
We've just got too much information to think about and we get stuck in this never -ending spiral of what ifs. Can you relate?
You think about something and you're like, oh, but what if? And then you have like 12 what ifs for that one tiny little decision. Yes, we have the world at our fingertips, but that also means that we can look anything we want to up at the drop of a hat.
When we do that, that really truly leads us into a world where we can go back and forth and back and forth on a decision, wondering which way to go, which way to go.
to make, researching every single possible outcome in the entire universe that could ever happen on either side of that decision, then we just become incapable of making the decision at all because there's too many options,
too many scenarios to play out for us and we've bunked up our brains with too many what ifs and now we're paralyzed with fear. We're paralyzed with fear. with fear of making the wrong choice.
So what do we do? We just choose not to make the choice at all. And we're talking all kinds of decisions here. You know, these could be big, massive decisions that feel really important in our lives,
but they can also be the small ones. And here's the thing. I think what's happening is that even those small, seemingly insignificant things that we really... really shouldn't be thinking about too much,
they're starting to feel like really huge decisions for a lot of us now too. One of the catalysts for me in writing this episode was that over the past couple of weeks now,
I've had a lot of conversations with women in my life that have made me realize, "Whoa, we all need to think just a little less. You know,
we need to maybe... take action more and think less. We need to just do it sometimes. It's like a total Nike style. That's their, that's their branding, right?
Just do it. I feel like I almost need to get a tattooed on my fingers so that I remember because I am the biggest culprit of a tiny little thing that really doesn't need much of my attention at all.
Gets thought about over and over and over and over again. And I need to remind myself that I am the biggest culprit and I need to remind myself that I am the biggest culprit of a tiny little thing that really doesn't need much of my attention and I need to remind myself that I am the biggest culprit of a tiny little thing that really doesn't need much of my attention it's okay to take leaps and to make decisions
and to do things without thinking about it for days or weeks or months or years. The friends that I had been having conversations with over the past couple of weeks,
they've all been struggling with different types of decisions. You know, one friend was talking herself in and out of taking an adult dance class. One was looking to make a shift in her work life because she felt like...
like she was drowning a little bit. One was thinking about starting a side hustle business but was still on the fence about it. Another was having a hard time deciding, you know, which extracurricular should I put my kid into?
Where are they going to thrive the most? And another was trying to decide if she was going to start working again part time now that the kids are in school full time. For me, I have like a million things I haven't decided on yet.
Dinner tonight being one of them. So many things, like whether to press submit on the order for the new bra, I really want that's been sitting in my cart for like six weeks.
How much time do I need to think about whether or not I'm gonna buy a bra? Another thing we've been thinking a lot about is, you know, how much child care we want for our youngest for next year, whether we want to build a sandbox or a swing set in the backyard,
you know, I could go on and on and on. and on. I don't need to though, because you're already overthinking all your little decisions. So you don't need to hear mine. The reality here is we have something called decision making fatigue.
It's a thing. And I think that fatigue is so much more apparent to us these days when it comes to making decisions because we have access to way more information to think about.
them. So the process of making a decision is so much more lengthy, takes so much more energy than maybe it was 10, 15 years ago to make that same choice.
I do have a little trick up my sleeve that has kind of helped me bring myself back to reality when I start going into that what if world. And it's repeating something that my mom said.
said to me. So about a year ago, I was trying to decide if I was going to go back to teaching after my 18 month mat leave with our youngest. So I was going back and forth, you know, making the pros list, the cons list,
going through all the what if scenarios with my husband. And then I talked to my sister about it and I talked to my mom about it. And then my mom said something and she was like, sweetie, that's not permanent.
Nothing's permanent. And it like hit me like a ton of bricks. I was like, of course, why did I not think of that? She's so right. Nothing's permanent. I mean,
there are a few things, you know, having a child, that's pretty permanent. But so many of the things that we are allowing to occupy our brains for so long before acting upon,
they're not even permanent things anyway. All those scenarios I mentioned about women all the things that I've been thinking about lately, they're not permanent. I can make a different decision right after if the first one isn't serving me.
I can buy that bra. And then if I really don't like it, I can return that bra. I could build the sandbox. And then if I'm like, darn, I wish I chose swing. I can add a swing,
you know? Even something that's bigger, like the childcare issue I was talking about. We could choose. five mornings a week for child care. And if it feels like too much, we can then decide to go down to three mornings a week instead at a later time,
if we felt like it wasn't working. All of these things are not permanent. Sure, there may be some time after making a decision where you need to just sit in it for a bit,
wait it out, maybe you can't change that decision right away, but I can almost guarantee it's permanent. not permanent. Most things aren't even if they're really, really big things like buying a house.
It's also not permanent. You can technically sell it again, right? Maybe that's not a great example, but I'm just trying to put that vibe out there that we spend so much time overthinking things that maybe we just got to make the decision and remember that we can make another decision later if it's not serving us.
We ask ourselves so many questions like what if I actually can't afford this or what if they don't like me after I make that choice or what if this change that I'm making makes things worse for our family.
And while all of these questions are important to ask for sure, there is a difference between thinking the right amount about them and thinking too much about them.
I found an article written by a leading medical center in hospital in Houston. And one of the doctors they interviewed goes by the name of Dr. Fowler. And Dr. Fowler said this, "Our brains are amazing processors.
They make conscious and subconscious decisions upwards of 35 ,000 times per day. Careful analysis and scrutiny can improve some choices.
But, if we get caught up in analy - every potential outcome, due diligence can actually lead to excessive worrying and decision paralysis.
Whoa. Dr. Fowler speaking the words to me. I was like, Oh my gosh, that's like such a sexy sentence to me. I actually think it's maybe two or three sentences,
but let me repeat it again. Our brains are amazing processors that may. make conscious and subconscious decisions upwards of 35 ,000 times per day.
Careful analysis and scrutiny can improve some choices, but if we get caught up in analyzing every potential outcome, due diligence can actually lead to excessive worrying and decision paralysis.
Basically, when is our inquisitive nature helpful and when does overthinking overthinking truly become a problem for us? I don't know, we spend so much time overthinking things, instead,
what we could be doing is thinking an appropriate amount about something, then taking action and spending all that extra time that we now have, actually doing the thing that we chose,
instead of wondering whether or not we're gonna like what we're choosing. Overthinking puts our thoughts and worries into this secular motion into an endless loop. And instead of preparing for our next steps,
it's usually leading us to an action. Because the fear ends up taking over. I feel like maybe this mindset or this problem of overthinking was exasperated by the pandemic.
When we look back over the past four years, we were forced to think about every outcome when making decisions in those areas. early days, those early months and years of the pandemic.
And I feel like it's become a habit for a lot of us, especially for people like parents who are making decisions for families, for multiple people at a time,
right? You're not just making a decision for yourself, now you're making a decision maybe for four, five, six people. That habit now is hard to crack. We're having a hard time retracting that.
I want to share some of the things that we're talked about in this article with Dr. Fowler. And I will link it in the show notes for you later as well so that you can read it for yourself because sometimes, you know, having a visual is helpful. helpful. One of the things that it touches on is overthinking can actually easily be confused with two things.
First thing is problem solving. And the second thing is self -reflecting. Sometimes we're overthinking and we're like, but I'm problem solving. And other times we're overthinking and we're like, but we're self -reflecting.
And these three things, they're distinctively different. Here's how Dr. Fowler distinguishes between them. Problem solving is when you ask questions with the intent of finding an answer and /or solution.
Overthinking, on the other hand, is when you dwell on possibilities and pitfalls without any real intent of solving the problem. In fact, a problem or potential problem may not actually even exist.
And that is a big one, I think, for... so many of us to remember is that we have to kind of take a step back from our own brains and go, wait a second, is this a problem here? Do I actually need to be thinking about this or does this not exist actually?
That's problem solving versus overthinking. Then when we look at self reflection, self reflection is an internally inquisitive process rooted in a higher purpose. Yes,
whether that's to grow as a person. person or gain a new perspective. But if you're obsessing over something that, you know, you don't like about yourself, that you either can't change or have no intention of improving,
it's not self -reflection, it's overthinking. We have to be able to decipher the difference between when we're problem solving, when we're self -reflecting and when we're overthinking.
Here are some signs that the article. laid out for us that maybe indicate that we might be overthinking something dwelling on past events or situations,
second guessing decisions you've already made, replaying your mistakes in your mind, rehashing, challenging or uncomfortable conversations.
Oh, I do this all the time. I like have a conversation that doesn't go as I intended. it to go. And then I think about it for so long. Fixating on things you can't control,
change or improve. That in and of itself is just like such a good reminder. Like, can I actually control this? Do I have the ability to change or improve this?
If I don't, why am I thinking about it so much if it's out of my control? Another thing is in my control, I don't think I have the ability to change or improve this. the worst case scenario or outcome, following your worries out of the present moment and into an unchangeable past or an unforeseeable future,
running your list over and over again in your brain while you're trying to fall asleep. And then the last thing is questioning but never making a decision or taking action. Those are,
you know, a handful of things that might be indicators that were overthinking things. And the overthinking, it takes a huge toll on our well -being. And this is what I want to kind of dive into next.
Although we mainly think of the toll that's being taken on our minds from overthinking, it actually can also affect our physical well -being too. Let's start with the mental well -being.
Fowler says in this article that this overthinking thing can affect how we experience and engage. with the world around us. It prevents us from making important decisions or keeps us from enjoying the present moment.
And on top of that, it drains us from the energy that we actually need to handle daily stressors, which is so ironic when you think about it, because typically we're overthinking things because we're trying to avoid stress.
But in fact, we're adding stress. There have been studies that show us that fixating on things that induce stress in your body can lead to anxiety and depression and anxiety and depression.
Those conditions carry a lot of physical symptoms too. So the physical symptoms we might see on our body might be things like fatigue, headaches, nausea,
you know, that gut feeling that it just cannot get away from. Difficulty concentration. concentrating, trouble sleeping, changes in your appetite. It is affecting our well -being,
not only mentally but physically too. What can we do to combat this thing that we're doing way too much of? Well, there are a couple of things. Mel Robbins,
I'm gonna bring her into the mix. I don't know if you've ever heard of her before. She's a motivational speaker, a podcaster extraordinaire. I adore her. She has a book and it's called... the five second rule. Basically,
she recommends using this five second rule to interrupt self doubt and overthinking so you can kind of catapult yourself into action. The idea is that when you're thinking about something for way too long,
you basically just make a decision and you say, okay, I'm counting down from five and you go five, four, three, two, one. And when you reach one, you have. to just do it. You have to just make the decision and click the submit button or do whatever you,
you need to do in that moment. And yeah, maybe this seems more plausible for smaller decisions, you know, sending that email you've been avoiding or speaking up to contribute something in a collaboration meeting or booking a therapy session or starting your exercise for the day or whatever those small decisions are.
The five, four, three, two, one rule can be really good. for the things that we think are problems in our mind, but they're actually not. Those are the decisions that you can 5 -4 -3 -2 -1 right away without really any thought at all.
They shouldn't be taking up space in our minds. And then there are decisions that feel bigger that maybe we're like, "I can't just count backwards from 5 and then make a decision." We may feel like we need more actionable steps to take before counting down from 5.
If it's a bigger decision that you feel like you're trying to make, there are a couple of things that you can do before you five, four, three, two, one it to give yourself a little bit of extra cushion room.
The first thing is combine your critical thinking with your instinct. Got instinct is a really good thing, but if you identify as a worrier,
either born or... or developed, that instinct that you have in your gut might not actually be serving you because it might actually be faking you out. If you're having trouble combining critical thinking and your instinct,
maybe call a friend in for some help, you know, give somebody else the ability to give you the critical thinking piece and perspective that you might be lacking. A second thing you can do is set a decision making deadline.
deadline. Allow yourself only a certain amount of time to think. And if you feel like you're nearing the end of that time and you don't feel like you're any closer to deciding, take a break.
Ooh, this is such a good tip. Stop the think train. Go away from it. Go do something else drastically different so your mind gets off of what you're thinking about and then come back to it with a fresh mind.
Often even just doing that will will switch the wavelength in your brain just enough In order for us to be able to move forward Another tip the last tip that I have is take action on the things that you can control But then acknowledge and release the things you know You can't which are plentiful,
right? Like it's this whole idea that we're overthinking things. We can't even control anyway What a waste of our precious time here on earth To recap, if you have a small decision,
5, 4, 3, 2, 1 it, just do it. If you have a bigger decision, combine critical thinking with instinct, set a decision -making deadline, and then take action on the things you can control but release the things you can't and then 5,
4, 3, 2, 1 it. It's such a good lesson for all of us. Pull out that five, four, three, two, one method before it turns into an overthinking session.
I mean, here's the deal. I'm definitely, definitely, definitely not the expert here. Truth be told, this episode,
I feel like was written as much for me as it was for all of you. So if any of you have other tips, send them to me, share them with the flock, write them in a comment on the reel for this episode on Instagram or something like that,
share the wealth and stop using your device to research every single little thing, enabling you to overthink and then stunt your action.
Information is such a beautiful thing. Too much of it though. I'm discovering is overwhelming our brain. brains into paralysis. So the next time you find yourself spiraling,
pause either five, four, three, two, one it or give yourself a deadline, incorporate some critical thinking, focus your energy on much more productive things.
It's for your health. It's for your wellbeing and you deserve it. As do I, we all deserve it so much, so I just freaking love it. y 'all. I'm so incredibly grateful for you.
Thank you for being part of our joyful Flamingo Flock. I hope you got value today. Until next time. Just a reminder,
Flamingo Flock, that I am not a medical or psychological professional. Each one of my episodes has been inspired by my own experience and journey through life and has brought to you through my own opinions and lens. Any suggestions suggestions or advice offered here do not substitute proper conversations with your own health care professionals for either your physical or mental well -being.