The Joyful Flamingo
The Joyful Flamingo Podcast guides and empowers women to tune into themselves and zoom in on their own well-being through laughter, connection, knowledge, and celebration! We’re here to create a tsunami of self-discovered, self-loved, and self-understood women who show up in this world unapologetically and joyfully so that we can pass the torch for generations to come! Join us to start leading your most vibrant, aligned and joyful life.
The Joyful Flamingo
Resilient Spirits - The Courage to Heal (with Betty and Desirée Ford) - Part 2
WARNING: The content in this episode contains information about someone's serious mental health struggles. If you are struggling yourself, please visit the support links in the show notes below.
Today's episode continues the conversation with Betty and Desirée Ford about their healing journey after a catastrophic car accident altered their lives in May of 2018. In this second part of the series we talk about the power of music in the hospital room, how Des re-trained her brain to make memories after experiencing traumatic brain damage, and the shifts that have happened in regards to self-image, relationships, careers, personal growth, and more. Today's show will leave you feeling an immense amount of pride for two people who you may not even know!
Time Stamps:
0:50 - Intro
2:35 - A recap of what Desirée's injuries looked like after her accident
3:40 - The healing power of music and the role it played in the hospital room
6:15 - When Des spoke for the first time after 4 months of no speech
11:35 - What the hardest part was for Des to swallow when she woke up from her coma and the surgeries that felt the most difficult
16:29 - Memories - what came back, and how Des had to learn how to create new ones amidst still struggling with her mental health
21:35 - How Des' relationships were affected and what they look like now
28:50 - Des' connection to herself and how her self-image and self-love transformed over the years
31:00 - How Des is using her beautiful body as a canvas
34:38 - The bittersweet feeling of being at the end of her surgery road
36:36 - How Des views the world now having gone through what she did
37:39 - Betty talks about her 'paling' as a caregiver and how her own personal growth journey came out of this tragic accident
40:30 - Life now!! Des chats about her job that lights her up as much as dance used to, and what plans she has for post secondary in the upcoming months
45:25 - Advice from the Ford women for the flock on how to live your most vibrant lives
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*DISCLAIMER*
Just a reminder, that I am not a medical or psychological professional. Each one of my episodes has been inspired by my own experience and journey through life and is brought to you through my own opinions and my own lens. Any suggestions or advice offered here do not substitute proper conversations with your own healthcare professionals for either your physical or mental wellbeing.
Welcome to part two of our Resilient Spirits, the Courage to Heal series. If last week's episode brought you to your knees, buckle up for today as we dive into the deep healing journey that the Ford women have been on for the past six years.
Today's chat includes how Betty used music to help her daughter heal, what it looked like for Des once she woke up from her coma, how she had to relearn everything that she once knew,
how her relationships were affected, how how her own self -love transformed, how their healing journeys together have affected the way they live life. And finally, what life looks like now.
Today's show will leave you feeling an immense amount of pride for two people who quite possibly are complete strangers to you. So keep listening. Well,
hey there, friend. And welcome to the joyful-- Joyful Flamingo podcast. I'm your host, Emily Schreiber, and I am obsessed with empowering women to tune into themselves,
to zoom in on their own well -being so in turn they can lead their most vibrant, aligned, and joyful lives. I want to create a tsunami of self -discovered,
self -loved, and self -understood women to show up in this world. world unapologetically and joyfully and to pass the torch on for generations to come. If any of that feels aligned with your vibe stick around,
I'm so glad you're here. Now, let's go find our joy. Hey, hey, hey, joyful Flamingo flock,
welcome back to part two of this resilient Spirits The Courage to Heal series with Betty and Desiree Ford. Ford. A reminder for anyone who may be stumbled upon this episode first that there is a part one to the series that aired last week so go check that out if you haven't yet.
I want to get right to it because I know that many of you have been anticipating this episode since Wednesday of last week but I do want to recap a bit just like slightly. The first episode of the series explained in detail about who Betty and Desiree Ford is.
are and the catastrophic accident that completely changed their lives back in 2018. We talked about the magnitude and the severity of Desiree's injuries and then how the power of positivity and the need to let others in was an underlying theme for the healing journey.
Today we're focusing in on the nitty gritty of what it looked like for that healing to actually happen. Since it's been seven days, I do just want to remind you all of what her injuries looked like and how broken she was after the accident.
Seven months in the hospital, experiencing what they call polytrauma, which is when a patient has sustained multiple injuries, some of which may cause significant disability and some that could be life -threatening.
For a Desiree, that looked like 11. 11 fractures in her arms, legs, ribs, and neck. The ones in her legs were compound, which means that they were bursting out of both ends of the limb.
And her left arm was actually completely missing, basically from the elbow down to the hand. She also punctured her lungs. She shredded her liver. And then on top of all of this,
she also had traumatic brain damage as well. well. Her body quite literally needed to be rebuilt. Can you even imagine that happening to yourself or to your child?
Before we get to Desiree and what it looked like for her once she woke up from her coma, Betty, I want to start by discussing the power of music and the role that it played in the healing process,
especially in those early days when she was still in her coma. Thank you for watching. Since music was always such a poignant part of your lives and also has such therapeutic powers,
can you explain to us how you used music in the hospital room? Great question, Emily. Music has always been extremely important to myself and my entire family,
where words fail, music doesn't. And it's true, it helped me through as a teen. teen through all my heartaches and knowing how important music was to Desiree always has been and also how she paid such close attention to her playlist I made sure that her playlists her own personalized playlists were always being played the only time that they weren't was when I was singing to her myself and singing songs from her
childhood and we have a specific family lullaby that I sang to all three of my kids. Like I said, if her playlist wasn't playing, that was the only reason.
I studied music for transition and healing at one point, and I knew the importance of music when you're talking about brains,
especially injured brains, or people transitioning between nearly fatal accidents to healing so knowing full well the importance of music that's why I never faltered from it and it was always there it was always surrounding her hopefully healing her in every way physically but especially mentally especially her own playlist that she could identify if she was indeed in there inside that beautiful brain which I never ever ever
doubted that she wasn't. I believe that the music definitely helped Desiree's brain heal. In fact, when other people would come and visit her,
once we were back in Woodstock, when they said, "Let's sing," they would pull up lyrics on their phone, but Desiree never once needed to do that. It didn't matter what song it was,
people would bring in their guitars and we would sing. There was always music always music because I know the power How powerful music is for the brain and I know that it's stored in many places of the brain So if you're injured on one spot of the brain music is still in there Mm -hmm Dez when you woke up and came Do they say came to after a coma?
I don't know how they'd they, what the terminology is for that. But when you came out of your coma, did you have your childhood memories? Like your long term memory was all of that wiped clean for the first little while too?
What did that look like? Yeah, for the first little while, I don't think there was anything. That was, it was a good four months. So could you talk even before you had most of your long -term memory return?
>> I have a really good story. So she wasn't speaking, wasn't speaking, wasn't speaking. And because of the traumatic brain damage done to her, we didn't know if she ever would speak again.
And a brand new nurse had escorted us back to Vic. And at the time we were at Woodstock Hospital just healing. I call it our healing hospital because we were chill and we were.
healing. So we were healing. So we were back at Vic for three follow -ups that day and because of all the medical attention that Desiree needed throughout the day, we had to have a nurse accompany us.
So here we are in the waiting room and it's massive. There's like seven TVs, easily 300 people in there, all chatting. It's very noisy.
Desiree is in her recliner wheelchair. and she was in that for the first four months because her body wouldn't bend. And so she's way back like this and the nurse is like, "So tell me about her story." And up until then,
they had warned me not let her look at a screen because they didn't know what the brain was doing. And I had taken upon myself not to ever let her see herself, just in case that was too much of a shock for her brain.
I never, ever believed that she wasn't in it. there. I knew she was in there because she would indicate with her face. Here we are in this waiting room and this brand new nurse tell me what happened and I'm like oh geez okay well it's noisy in here.
I'm just gonna pull up pictures from the very first day I'm showing her pictures and she's like oh my lord she was young right? She was really really blown away by this. She goes oh look Desiree wants to see.
And here's Desiree in her reclining wheelchair. She's trying to look down at my phone as I'm showing. And so she goes, That's me. Those were her first words after four months.
Wow. That's me. So I'm like, Whoa. Whoa. And I climb up her recliner wheelchair and I say, pardon. pardon, that's me.
She can't point because she can't use either on. Right. And I turned to the little young nurse and I go, this is the first time she spoke. Can you remember, help me remember what she's going to say?
So she knew it was her from the one picture I had shown her. And then I quickly flipped the head to pictures that weren't quite so traumatic where she finally had everything to.
and bells and whistles out of her nose and throat. And her brother was standing behind the bed. She couldn't even see his face. You could see this much of him from his neck to his waist.
And she goes, That's Nick. Oh, So I'm like, traumatic brain damaged my foot. We carried on this conversation, she said,
"Where's my mom?" mom? Inside I died again. And I said I'm right here you silly goose. You're not my mom. My mom's Betty.
And then I remembered really quickly that of course not her brain was retraining it was rewiring and she was still in her infant stages time lapse speaking brain had rewired and caught up to her 19 years yet.
So I said, I'm your mom, you silly goose. And this is what happens after what you put on stage. And she goes, why, what did I do in this quiet little voice?
We carried on a good conversation. And then they called our number. Of course. So it was amazing that she never had to learn how to speak.
Mm hmm. It was obviously like a baby talk like a child because I had no power in me whatsoever. But you could communicate with people.
Yes. Yeah. OK. What were the first things that your body remembered how to do? There was two things I didn't have to relearn at all. Talking and swallowing everything else.
Her body had to. to relearn because of her brain injury. Yeah, but it was really, really nice that your body, your cell memory, since I was so heavily involved with dance before the accident,
it was nice that dance terminology and dance moves came back very naturally, which then aided with my physical disease standing.
therapy standing. - Yeah, yeah. For sure, yeah, your body has that, just like you said, that cell memory of like, "No, my body knows how to do this. "I can't show that my body knows how to do this quite yet,
"but it knows, like inside, deep down, it knows." When you did wake up, do you recall one specific injury that was the hardest for you to take in?
- It's not a specific injury. injury, but just my body in general. I had been so in love with dance before my accident and just slowly figuring out that I would never dance like that the way I did again,
because physically my body cannot do that anymore. - Yeah, that was the hardest for you to take in. that was, that seemed to go on for a really long time,
just grieving the loss of that part of my life, because I so badly didn't want to accept that. For the longest time, I,
it was my goal that, you know, I would get back to it. But just realizing the truth, I know I will, I will never get back to where I was. - Dez,
your mom has now described for us the magnitude of your injuries and your surgeries. And you know, 21 days in coma, 24 surgeries, a massive medical team that basically spread across all units of the hospital,
which is crazy. Can you from your perspective share with us maybe a couple of those surgeries, maybe one that was really difficult for you to get through? through. Right,
so I can specifically think of two from when my brain obviously had come back, and I can remember the difficulties of them. The one was the last surgery I had for my little left arm that,
geez, probably required like seven, six or seven, it's seven. because of the rebuilding of my bones that had to take place and Yeah,
so I would say that definitely that one because although I'm right -handed, you know, we all Take for granted that we have both of our arms,
right? Yeah, right? And so taking away the left one's ability to do its job, but then also due to what had to happen, because of my brain injury and the heterotopic ossification that I suffered,
which is the growth of extra bone due to my brain being like, ah, let's heal everything. Oh, crazy. Okay. Extra bone. Yeah. So my bones had to be completely refigured and I had to have bone fragments.
fragments removed from their wrong placement. So which then led to post surgery. A machine that I would attach to my arm and then it came home with me for maybe two weeks to like a month.
This machine I would hook my arm up to it and then it would slowly rotate. my arm to get my arm used to being able to rotate since it hadn't worked for over two years.
And so it would slowly turn back and forth and then I would take it to my hand therapist and she would amp up the degrees that it would turn. Right. So I'd say that that was one of the most difficult surgeries because it hurt.
obviously, and it was just so unnatural at that time because we used to not being able to move it like that. The next one I'd say was one of my last surgeries,
probably number 24, I think, in my right leg, I had had a medicated rod put in my leg.
as well as a normal rod in my leg, but due to my herotopic ossification, once again, the growth of extra bones, my bones grew horizontally in my leg.
And so that rod could finally be removed because my leg is probably one of the most strongest legs in the world. world now, I think so too.
Yeah. So and yeah, due to where I was in my recovery with, I could very much walk independently now. And I think I was driving at the time.
And so I'd say that it was the most difficult because I wasn't able to put weight on it for quite some time. You almost felt like you were going backwards again.
Yeah. Yeah, going back. backwards again. But I knew that this was very near the end of my surgery life. After you left the hospital,
Betty was saying it was about four months that there was no memory that was coming back. So explain to us a little bit about what that recovery process looked like, like what you had to do on a daily basis in order to start training your brain again,
how to remember things. and how to create now new memories going forward. Right. Because my brain was basically altered,
I didn't really start making memories until after we had returned home. And the little bit that I do remember from our last hospital that we were in,
my mental state. was so negative because you know I really started to realize that oh okay I haven't been moving for months and then since I wasn't able to do my physical outlet that I had been so invested in I naturally put on the pounds really really fast and so my yeah my my first memory really is just how much I hated myself and since both of us shaved our heads well because of all the intravenous she had put
in her body because of all the surgeries her hair actually fell out yeah it was so thin and so we both went down to a one I think think with the razor blade.
I remember that. Desiree did it and then I did it to support her and then I thought well that was stupid because of her short term memory loss every time she looks at me she's gonna think what the hell and I did it in the beginning to support her and then I thought that was a bad mistake but it goes back it does it does do you think that the mental illness struggles that you had before accident continued on or
was it different mental struggles after accident than it was before accident? The base of them came back, but now it was completely different because of form.
Yes, yes, since before, I had everything going for me and I was a B1 young woman and I could do anything and then swap over to this when I look absolutely nothing like I did before.
I look in the mirror and I don't know what I'm looking at and I need the most help for the most basic things. Yeah. Like going to the washroom.
I need to hold my breath. hand to help me get in there. And so I just, I felt I was at the ultimate low that I have ever been in,
because I could no longer do anything on my own, no sense of independence. - I can't even imagine how that must have felt. You finally get the ability to create new memories and it's with a body that feels completely completely foreign to you.
We're going to chat more about your self -love and self -image journey in a bit, but what did it look like for your team, your medical team and everybody who was helping you along your recovery journey help teach your brain how to then create new memories,
retain new information? Like what did that process look like? Deseret had sticky notes everywhere, right? Because she suffered traumatic brain damage. - Right, so little reminders.
- Everything, like short -term memory, she had to relearn with the help of her amazing rehab therapist how to build memories because she suffered frontal lobe damage and also three deep brain bleeds.
Every single one of her dress for drawers has a sticky note on it. - Is this where you're... socks are. - Socks are. - This is where you're underwear. And then it was funny because her occupational therapist took her once down to the kitchen and said,
"Okay, Desiree, show me how you're going to boil water." Well, before the accident Desiree ran from anything culinary. She had no idea where the pots were.
It was just by stroke of luck she knew where the tap was. - Yeah. (laughing) kitchen, the kitchen was just another room to walk through to get to the door. So we call it BA and then AA,
right? Before accident and then after accident. In the beginning you had to, everything had to be sticky noted and then as she learned through her rehab therapist how to build memories,
then I can slowly start taking the sticky notes away. So long -term memories. after those four months that you said there was nothing there, that came back fairly easily,
but it was the short -term memory and the creation of new memories that took a lot of relearning and help from your team to actually learn how to do that. Through your recovery process,
I know that it must have been difficult for you to get back to the relearning process. that you once had before accident. You were in a really interesting time in your life where transition was already super apparent for anybody of that age because when Des was in her accident,
she was 18. So, that's the transition of, you know, going from high school, maybe into post -secondary or into the workforce. There's a lot of transition that happens at that time. When you returned home,
did any of those relationships come back? When it came to my friendship community, like you said, when my accident happened was at a crucial time that people start their lives.
And that's exactly what most of my social group did. Yeah, by the time that I had come home, I felt like I had absolutely no one,
because they were all off, you know, doing what you're supposed to do, which was so difficult to realize and accept. Then I would really hate them for that.
And then I would hate myself for hating them for that, because how can I hate people that are just living their lives, right? So then I felt guilt. So it was just this constant cycle that never seemed to stop.
How did you start to develop friendships with people again once you were able to move a little bit more, talk a little bit more, remember a little bit more? Yeah, I'd say that I definitely throughout the years have been able to connect with old friends and a spark has been re...
-kindled. - It ignited? - It ignited. - Both of them. - And yeah, so that's been really nice. I would say that out of all of my relationships that have progressed or died off,
I'd say the ones that mean the most to me have been the relationships with my siblings. - Oh, I love that. Before my accident when I was 18,
I felt very disconnected for most of my siblings. I have a large age gap, right between you and you. Although I have four siblings,
I felt like an only child for a really long time. Okay, so tell us how that shifted then post -accident. As I have continued to grow and develop and become my own person and start my own life,
basically, again, due to my age, you know, I'm 24 now, close to 25. And so I'm not a little girl anymore, right? I am an adult. And so even just the age itself,
I feel closer to my older siblings and I ever have. As things have developed since my accident, I have felt so much connection and belonging and like my story and myself,
I'm equal. I feel equal to them. I love it. Which was something that I wasn't feeling before my accident and then up until recently. Okay, and any really solid connections with humans that you did no prior to accident that you still maintain now?
So I just immediately thought of people my age and there's not really many of those but your mom and dad.
dad, yeah, yeah, I obviously have known them my entire life, but now I go and visit them. And it's just, it's lovely.
I love the relationships I have now. Yeah. And are you dating? Have you dated in the past six years? Like, what does that look like for a 19 year old who,
you know, that's a very prime time to discover your, your sexuality, your, the way that you love the way you want to be loved. What did that look like for you?
Since my accident, I am currently in my third relationship. The first relationship, I had been best friends with this specific person before my accident.
And so we were already very close and then things moved. to more than friends, and we were together for about two years.
But that relationship was definitely the most toxic, not from his part. It was actually really interesting. So due to how we had been best friends before my accident,
I felt this urge, even though he reminded me, count one. times to not feel this way I felt this urge to return to who I was before my accident because that's who he fell in love with yeah so I was trying so hard and I would naturally fail constantly because that's impossible to return to who I was before surviving a catastrophic accident and so it's just this this constant imbalance that I felt.
He ended up breaking up with me. Naturally, after a breakup, I cried and was pretty sad. The next day I realized,
oh my gosh, now I don't have to try and become who I once was, and I just absolutely flew. My third and current I am very pleased with I met my Dylan on Facebook dating he had long blonde wavy hair and he was tan and I was like oh my gosh and so yeah we we met up together in his hometown of Stratford oh Stratford boy okay yes Stratford boy And we spent,
I think like six or seven hours on the first date before I went home only because I had to work the next morning. And so I knew I needed sleep.
But yeah, time spent with him was really simple and easy. And we have very similar likes and dislikes. And he is artsy and so cool.
which I love because I am also that and I haven't had a partner who is really creative yet and he has learned about my brain injury and how it affects my life and yeah so things are going really well with him more than a year and a half.
So let's now go back to chatting about your most important relationship and that's the one with yourself You know even before accident self -image was something that you really struggled with even though now you would say I have no idea Why I struggled with self -image back then,
right? Can you explain to us where you're at now in your self -image journey and and you got to this point of feeling the way you feel now about your miraculous body.
- So I would say that after that first breakup was when I really started to love myself for who I am now,
now that I have become familiar with my body and what it has been through, which I didn't like to hear at the beginning, from mom. I didn't like to hear about my progression and my healing because,
okay, yeah, we'll just screw that, but I want to get back to where I was. - Right. - And so let's get back there, but. - It's like you had a different starting point.
And then after that relationship ended, and you did feel like you could let go of hope. on to who you were before that's when you started to feel like you were able to accept what your body looks like right now.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. And also at that time, when that relationship ended, that was also around the time when I was able to finally get physically active,
specifically biking. Since I've never been a runner. runner with my asthma it's not something I've ever tried out yeah I could take walks but I wanted to do something else I fell absolutely hard in love with riding that because I could finally do something physical that you know didn't cause me discomfort or anything and do you feel like being able to use your body in a more physical way allowed you to really start to
love who you are, the body that you're in right now? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. You're kind of using your body like a canvas right now too,
because you're using your creative side and you're decorating your body with these amazingly beautiful and artistic tattoos.
Guys, you got to go check out our Instagram. First of all, there's a really stunning series of photos that's pinned at the top of her Instagram. It's a series of photos that's in black and white, and it shows some of the beautiful parts of her body.
Some of your tattoos are highlighted in those pictures. Can you explain maybe like one or two of your favorite tattoos? What's got the coolest meaning for you? I specifically love the bear claw because she's got these scars up her legs.
So she's got these scars up her legs. got a bear claw that looks like it's like scratched her leg it's super cool so can you explain just a little bit about how you've been creative with your your beautiful body right you just took the one that I had thought about for the the bear claw so then I will talk about an injury in my right tib fib I had a skin graft taken from my left thigh and put on my right calf
and this skin graft is like a square rectangle and I found a tattoo artist and I said I would like to accentuate and put more focus on this cool rectangle scar.
I don't know if it was myself. myself or her that came up with it, but I decided I wanted to put a border around this. - Okay. - And so I have like an old antique picture frame.
- Around that scar tissue. - My scar, yeah. And it's beautiful. And because it's in brown ink, it just, it looks even older.
- Like in the lens. - Yes. With my beautiful olive skin. It's amazing. Another tattoo that took three sessions,
one for outlining. The second one was for shading and the third one was for color is my wingless that I have on my back. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mum said this one time,
I think and it's stuck. How I was like a Phoenix since Phoenix's dying come back to life Or is that just in Harry Potter? Anyway,
I don't know but no one's gonna fact check you so don't go So I have really beautiful wings on my back with my favorite color of purple in there and And they they span across your whole back back like these are giant wings people yeah yeah yeah you really you really all just need to go and look at some of these these photos because they are stunning and I feel like it's just another testament to how much
resilience this woman has like she's taken this body that she didn't feel like was hers anymore and has completely transformed it into something so beautiful and strong strong and resilient and like it just is so inspiring.
She's got so many, like do you know how many you have? - I honestly, I was counting and until my last one, I have stopped because I have too many,
I don't know anymore. No, I was gonna guess, but no, can't guess, I don't know. - They're amazing, they're amazing. - Are you at the end of the day? the end of your surgery life now?
So 24 surgeries in total over the past six years, do they have plans for any more that are scheduled or are we done? - When it comes to surgeries pertaining to my car accident,
we're done. - What? - Which was the weirdest feeling. I had a virtual meeting with my husband. arm surgeon.
So, you know, one of the last surgeries I had for my arm. We had a virtual follow -up. I was at work, and I just stepped outside of work to have this virtual follow -up with him.
And he was pretty much just asking me how it was going, how my arm was doing, my progress with it, and he was measuring the amount that I could rotate my arm just naturally.
naturally and he basically summed up this virtual meeting by saying so like Desiree this will probably be the last time that I see you and I knew that you know my arm was the last thing to really worry about after that virtual meeting so strange to feel a sense of loss and like sadness sadness.
Just since for the past four years, I had been in the hospital world that was natural to me.
- Well, and also that medical team, I'm sure became very close to you. One of them being, one of your physios was Sandra Boyce, who we've actually interviewed here on the Joyful Flamingo. So that's a little bit of a connection for the listeners to make,
but... you've created probably such a connection with so many of the people and even just the spaces, you know, like I can't fully understand it, obviously,
but I understand what you're saying that it does feel like bitter sweet. Mm hmm. Everything that you've gone through now does, you know, it's been nearly six years.
The anniversary of the accident will come up in a little while, but how has what you've been through over the past, I mean, I'm gonna say eight, 10 years, because prior to accident,
you were going through a lot too. How has all of that shaped how you view the world now? Things that I have learned after my accident,
it took me nearly dying to learn how to truly live. Hmm. When you almost lose everything, you learn to appreciate the smallest things that you have in your life,
when the threat to have them just snatched away is so close. And that is something that not a lot of people can truly feel.
They can know that, but it puts on a whole new meaning when you've experienced it. We've now spoken to Des quite intensively about her healing process and her healing journey.
But Betty, you had a very prevalent healing journey for yourself as well and through your own personal growth and development through the time that Desrey was going through her recovery.
What did your journey look like in that process? Not not not only as like the caregiver of Desiree, but also just as a human because of the life experience that you were going through at that time.
The first episode on our podcast is all about where the name, the joyful flamingo comes from. And it's all about the paling that flamingos experience, um, through parenthood specifically for them,
but we can go through pale seasons all the time. And I can imagine that there. were lots of almost transparent seasons for you throughout this whole journey. So can you explain to us just a little bit about that process for you and what that healing journey has looked like for you?
When things had settled down and we left the hospitals and we were back at home, my sole purpose on this earth was to keep Desiree on her healing path and to keep her happy because she was in such a dark spot at the time.
My priorities always took backseat, always, always. And then people said, "You need to write a book. You need to write a book." One of my peers and one of the people I always looked up to was your mom with her writing.
And I always thought, "No, I can't write like that. I've been writing since I was a kid, but I can't write like that." And through her encouragement, I started thinking more seriously about... writing. And it's been through writing that I've discovered how much I need to heal from this.
Because as much as it happened physically to Deserite, it happened to me emotionally, which is a huge mental impact. And so throughout the process,
I had to learn how to trust, I had to learn how to trust the medical community. I had to learn how to trust family and friends who just wanted to come and visit her for 30 minutes. That was my time.
That's my daughter in there, right? So I had to learn how to give up and open up boundaries that I had not realized. I had built higher and higher through my whole life,
right? So a lot of self growth has happened from this tragedy that happened to us very much both of us. It's just that everything is a lifelong journey.
And if we open ourselves up to being an open funnel to let all these opportunities come in and teach us, there's no ends to what we can learn about other people,
but especially about ourselves. So very true. I know the listeners are aching to know what does life look like for you now.
Does that last episode you briefly touched on the fact that you love your job? Tell us more. When it comes to my job and my work life,
I have been in this community for four years now where I started out with volunteering.
volunteering with the Down syndrome community due to a family friend that we have. And then after my volunteering, I was hired and that line of work has inspired my post -secondary schooling that will start.
So you work with the Down syndrome community and I know that this is one of the things that you've talked extensively about to lots of people is that you felt like you would never find something that lit you up the way that dance did before accident.
And now you have. So can you just share with us a little bit about what you do? I support the Down syndrome community. Mondays and Thursdays are my typical working days.
On Mondays, we work on putting together the show that we are going to be sharing with others. And so that's musical theater and dance,
as well as song. And so all of the three things that are right up my alley, because my entire life has been that, which is really cool, and has also provided me with the new sense of how my dance life looks like now that I'm here.
teaching people who you know I don't know I don't teach them the things that I was doing I keep it really really simple because that's what they require and what I require also for my body and my memory and so that's on Mondays and then on Thursdays Thursdays are fun days and so we just go and do things just yesterday we went bowling loving Love it.
And, you know, we go swimming sometimes. We go to the movies. We just have fun. And I get paid for it. Like, how much better can you get for that?
And I wish everybody could see you right now because you really is like an aura of light around her as she talks about it. And it really truly does sound like such a match made in heaven for both you and me.
the community that you work with. So how has it inspired now this next shift into post -secondary education, what are you doing? Right, so with how much my work inspires me and how much I love it,
I am going to be going into the DSW program at Fanshawe Developmental Service Worker, which I'm already like doing today.
Yeah. So I really look forward to seeing how much of it I'm already aware of. Yeah. And then plus it really comes in handy regarding my brain because the typical DSW program is two years,
but you're able to take a part time. And so instead of two years, it's spread into four, which I'm doing totally all the way because. that is what I need and then also I'll be seeing how much I will still be able to work at the same time work yeah half time absolutely fantastic congratulations that's so exciting honestly like it just is this miraculous story of determination and perseverance and the power of positivity
and resilience and strength and, you know, obviously feeling all the feels across the entire journey. But if I were to ask you,
I mean, this is going to be a hard question, but if I were to ask you what you are most proud of yourself for over the past six years, could you give me an answer?
Do you think? Right. It definitely feels recent. recent that I've started to really feel this. These feelings just keep growing more and more and more.
Yeah, what you said, I am so proud of myself. What really gets me proud of myself is when mom reminds me or I hear mom talk about what doctors had done.
my prognosis would be, you know, she'll lose limbs or she'll be in a wheelchair for the rest of her life or she will have no quality of life because her brain is too damaged.
And it's like, look the fuck at me now. Oh my gosh. So that's a great segue into the last question that I have for you.
And what I'd really really love for you to do is to talk to our flock today about one piece of advice that you have for them because of what you've both been through. When I say the flock, I mean this incredible community of people who listen to this podcast who are just so interested in becoming the best versions of themselves and really focusing on their well -being in every capacity.
You too have been through such a journey. journey individually and together. What is one piece of advice you could give to our flock about how to live life?
- Be careful what you wish for, because I wish that Desiree and I had more time together and then bang. (both laughing) But also I think a valuable lesson that I've learned is to allow others in.
- Mm, that's my biggest take on it. I think, is that to lose the fear of letting others in. I would say coming up on the six -year live -aversary,
I would say that the most important lesson that I have learned is that everything happens for a reason,
which which can be incredibly difficult to wait for the reason to come your way and to be visible that,
oh, that's why that happened. But I am so thankful that my catastrophic car accident took place because of where I am in my life.
right now, I would not have been able to get here without that happening to me. Ugh, I mean, we can't really get much better advice than that,
Flockies. There have been so many impactful messages for all of us to think about and to maybe try to implement versions of into our own lives.
So thank you so much. much to the two of you. It really, truly has been so special to share the mic with you these past few episodes. And we, as a whole, as a listenership,
we so appreciate you for being as open and as giving in sharing your incredible journeys with us. I know it must take a lot of energy and time and brain power and probably heartache to relive it all again for the rest of us.
But know that it will and it has made a huge impact And we are just so grateful to be able just to be in your presence So thank you. We love you both so much and we are so fucking glad That your story ended up being proof that miracles really do happen Thank you for the opportunity and also Emily for this honor.
It's a great honor You're welcome. We're so happy to have you Thanks, Emily. Love you. Wow.
Well, normally, this would be a time where I insert my outro. But to be honest, I don't even know how to wrap up this incredible story of miraculous healing with anything better than the feeling that they just left us with.
So I'm not going to. I'm just gonna leave it here now. I am so incredibly grateful for you all. Thank you for being part of the joyful Flamingo Flock.
Until next time. Just a reminder, Flamingo Flock, that I am not a medical or psychological professional. Each one of my episodes has been inspired by my own experience and journey through life and has brought to you through my own opinions and lens.
Any suggestions or advice offered here do not hesitate to contact me. substitute proper conversations with your own healthcare professionals for either your physical or mental well -being.