The Age Old Question ... Introvert or Extrovert?

This age old question of whether you're an introvert or an extrovert is much more nuanced than we realize. Today, Emily explores the descriptions of all the personality types that land on this sliding scale, and explains how the knowledge and understanding of the theory as a whole is MUCH more beneficial for you than being able to label your personality type correctly!

Time Stamps:
0:30 - Intro
1:00 - A bit about our inaugural Flock Joy Reset Retreat
3:50 - The myths and misconceptions of extroverts vs introverts
6:20 - The description of an extrovert in depth
8:00 - The description of an introvert in depth
9:48 - What can we gain by knowing which personality type we identify with
11:54 - What if you don't identify as either an introvert or an extrovert
13:00 - What is an ambivert and the varying degrees of this personality type
16:25 - Signs that you may be an Introverted Extrovert
17:38 - Signs that you may be an Extroverted Introvert
18:27 - Identity crisis
19:30 - How women's hormonal cycles affect the theory
22:10 - Why it's most important to understand the theory as a whole rather than where you specifically land on it
25:20 - Maybe it's not the answer, but rather the way we ask the question that matters
26:40 - Disclaimer

Resources Used for this episode:

20 Brilliant Ways to Know you're An Introverted Extrovert

Extroverts, Introverts, and Everything in Between

Introvert vs. Extrovert Personality: What's The Difference?

Connect with Emily:

On The Gram - @thejoyfulflamingo https://www.instagram.com/thejoyfulflamingo/

For Collaborations - thejoyfulflamingo@gmail.com

The Joyful Flamingo Podcast is produced by jpvoiceovers.
You can find them here : jpvoiceovers

*DISCLAIMER*
Just a reminder, that I am not a medical or psychological professional. Each one of my episodes has been inspired by my own experience and journey through life and is brought to you through my own opinions and my own lens. Any suggestions or advice offered here do not substitute proper conversations with your own healthcare professionals for either your physical or mental wellbeing.

Transcript

Are you one of those bubbly people that everyone just always assumes is an extrovert
but you actually love being alone? Or maybe you're someone who is relatively quiet
and everyone thinks is an introvert but actually feeds off of listening to and being
around others. Today, we're breaking down what the sliding scale of these personality
types actually looks like and busting the myth that you have to be either or in
order to understand yourself and thrive. So let's get to it. Well hey there friend
and welcome to the joyful flamingo podcast. I'm your host Emily Schreiber and I am
obsessed with empowering women to tune into themselves to zoom in on their own well
-being so in turn they can lead their most vibrant aligned and joyful lives.
I want to create a tsunami of self -discovered, self -loved,
and self -understood women to show up in this world unapologetically and joyfully,
and to pass the torch on for generations to come. If any of that feels aligned
with your vibe stick around, I'm so glad you're here. Now, let's go find
(upbeat music) Hey, hey, hey Joyful Flamingo Flock and welcome back to the pod
today. How the heck are ya? Man, if you asked me, I would say to you, I am just
still on cloud nine because we just had our inaugural flock retreat this past
weekend. It was called the Flock's Joy Reset Retreat. And man, oh man, was it ever
just that? It was an incredible and magical day with 12 of the most amazing women
I think you'll ever meet. It truly is the shit that lights me up. You know,
watching women come together, watching them connect and share in joy and laughter and
love and vulnerability, taking care of themselves and taking care of each other.
It really was just such a powerful day and I could not be more thrilled with how
our first ever joyful flamingo retreat went. And if you're listening to this and
you're having FOMO, I get it. I would do it. It was so great. But maybe you're
having FOMO because you didn't know about the retreat or you didn't know it was an
option for you, or maybe you couldn't make the date work, or maybe you just weren't
a hundred percent positive that it's what you wanted to do. And then it sold out.
What I want to tell you is If you're having that formal right now, be sure to
send me a message today telling me to put you on the presale list for the next
one. I don't know exactly when the next retreat is going to be, but if you get
yourself on that presale list, basically it gives you first access along with all of
the other people that want to be on that list to claim your spot at the next
retreat that we do before the invite goes out to the masses on social media. Maybe
it's the fact that I'm coming off of a weekend that was filled with being
surrounded by other people and other energies and a weekend of being very social,
but it really just seems like the perfect time for me to talk about the topic
that's on the show today. This topic has been on my list of ones to write and
chat about since the beginning of the podcast, and it just never felt I started it.
You know, this has happened to me before. I start the writing, I stop the writing,
I change the writing, I come back to the writing and right now it just feels so
aligned to dive in. And I think this topic is one of those topics that gets
discussed quite frequently, but maybe more so on a very surface level without
actually exploring the topic more deeply. And so today I want to put on our scuba
gear friends and go down to the depths together on it so we can all thrive.
It's this age -old question, right? Am I an introvert or am I an extrovert? It's a
debate that is full of myths, full of misconceptions, and the first of which being
what these labels actually even mean. So here's the deal. Oftentimes, People think
that the differentiation between being an introvert or being an extrovert comes down
to just how social you are. You know, how loud or quiet you are around other
people. A lot of people will assume that an introvert has social anxiety or dislikes
being around others, while extroverts are loud, aggressive, boisterous, chatty. This is
why people like me, the talkers of the world seem to always get the label extrovert
and listeners, which would be my hot hubs, often get the label of introvert.
It's this whole thing of are they outgoing? Are they shy? It really is just not
always the case. This whole concept of extrovertism, introvertism,
it's about more so how you regain and recharge your batteries.
Where do you get your energy from? How do you refill your cup when you feel
drained? And what drains you? So what gives you the energy and recharges your
batteries and what drains them? That really is what this concept, that this theory
is at its core. It has nothing to do with how much you love to talk or not. It's
more about energy, energy replacement, energy fulfillment, and energy drains.
In the very generic sense, if we're looking at it like that, this means that if
you were someone who were to gain energy more so from the outside world, so things
like the people, the places, the things around you, that would mean you'd be
considered an extrovert. And if you find your energy comes from within yourself,
instead of those people or the things or the places around you, then you'd likely
be considered an introvert. But is that all that it really is? No,
it's so much more nuanced than this. And there are other things that we need to
know about that are very good indicators as to where we may fall on this
personality type scale. Let's buckle down a little bit more and look at some of
those other traits and characteristics of both of these two different personality
types. So let's start with the extroverts, shall we? And while I'm talking and
describing all of these things, I want you to think to yourself, is this describing
me through and through? Okay, so extroverts, they often enjoy working in groups of
people. So whether it's, you know, if you're young and you're doing a school
assignment or maybe a work project or even just a planned event with friends,
extroverts most likely feel more energy to do their best work when they're surrounded
by other people. Extroverts love trying new things and new experiences.
They also tend to take action rather quickly, so rather than ponder things over and
over and over again, once they decide they're going to go for something, they
usually don't spend a lot of time considering all the potential outcomes. They may
even think of themselves a bit impulsive, I guess you could say. If you're an
extrovert and you find yourself trying to solve a problem, often talking it through
out loud is usually helpful. And you may even find yourself seeking advice from
other people as well to make decisions. Spending a long time may actually feel
draining to you if you're an extrovert. And this might manifest as you know either
feeling cranky or tired or just out of sorts after having spent a lot of time on
your own. And lastly, extroverts really like meeting new people,
making new friends. They do it often and they find it easy to do so. Does this
sound like you? Yes? No? Maybe? I don't No,
let's maybe now talk about the introvert now, so you have something to compare it
to. Introverts often consider things very carefully. Lots of time is spent pondering
when new opportunities or bigger decisions arise. They may consider themselves very
rational when it comes to decision making. They prefer to avoid conflict. They may
be worried about how One may take or react to their actions or their words and
oftentimes writing their thoughts and feelings is more helpful for introverts to
express themselves to others so that they can actually have a chance to think
through all of those thoughts on their own before sharing them with others.
Visualization and creation are high on an extrovert skill set list. So many
introverts spend a lot of time in their own heads, and that world in their own
head is where some of their best ideas come to them. If you're an introvert, you're
likely a natural listener. You'd prefer to absorb what's going on around you,
listen and weigh ideas carefully, and then put in your two cents once you feel like
you have a quality idea to contribute. Small talk is not an introvert's gym. And
Lastly, introverts often need plenty of time for themselves. They feel themselves
becoming overwhelmed if they've been in the presence of others for too long. It
doesn't mean they hate or avoid people. It just means that their social circle may
be smaller and they have a few solid connections in which they feel they're most
comfortable with. Based off of those two definitions, I guess you could say,
what would you consider yourself? an extrovert or an introvert, what about your
spouse? Wouldn't that be interesting to actually know where each of the people in
our household kind of fall on this scale? What about your kids? And here's the
deal, why do we even care? Why do we feel the need to label ourselves on a
certain personality type? Or why do we feel the need to know which personality type
We lean closer to well, when we look at it this way, there are some really
valuable things that we can gain from kind of knowing a little bit more about
ourselves within these personality types. I'm going to get to why I don't think it's
the be all and end all and why I don't think we need to label ourselves as one
or the other. But what I will say is that if you are able You understand how you
regain your energy, how you focus on recharging yourself. It really truly is a
version of taking care of yourself. It's a version of aligning with your own needs
and your own well -being rather than trying to force a square peg into a round
hole, right? And that's really valuable information. And it's also really valuable to
know the same for the people around you, for the people that you love the most for
the people that you spend the most time around. Deeply knowing yourself in this way
can help us to understand why we may be experiencing the exact same situation as
someone else, but doing it in a completely different way. It may allow us and our
families to plan ahead, to have conversations around what each person needs in
advance of a certain scenario, since it could be so vastly different from the people
that we're experiencing it with, and so that there aren't any unnecessary assumptions
or miscommunications among you and your family or your loved ones. Knowing these
things can also help us lean into the times where maybe we're seeing the ones that
we love need more space, need less space. Maybe it can encourage us to have more
open communication about how to build a stronger connection and relationship with the
ones that we love, especially if they may tick better for the most part on the
opposite side of what I'm calling this sliding skill of personality types. Because
here's the deal, maybe you listen to all of those definitions and maybe you're
thinking to yourself, well, none of that sounds like me, or all of it sounds like
me, or I'm a little bit of this and a little bit of that. Well, there's actually
a word for that. And we often forget that this is part of this sliding scale.
It's called ambivert. So have you ever heard of that word before?
Basically, ambivert means that you can't identify fully with either the extrovert or
the introvert, and you find yourself flip -flopping, carrying traits from both sides.
I am definitely an ambivert, And I feel like many people are so I really want to
talk about what it may look like and manifest for you because if you're similar to
me You may often have people say to you, oh, but you're so bubbly or you're so
chatty or so talk to me You must be an extrovert and while there are portions of
me that definitely lean towards the extrovert side of things There are also many
sides of me that lean towards the introvert
Let's talk about ambiverts, those people who can't quite commit to one side or the
other. Ambiverts do well both in social settings and alone in fairly equal amounts.
They might notice a little change in their mood after flip -flopping back and forth,
but it's not a complete drain of energy afterward, either way for them. As an
advert, active listening is your jam. You're able to listen effectively to what
people are saying, but you're also able to offer thoughtful responses when they're
applicable. You're probably more decisive than impulsive,
I guess that's a good word for it, and you may feel comfortable taking chances once
you've thought something through. not like on a whim, taking a chance,
but you feel comfortable taking that chance if you've thought it through. Ambiverts
also often have a knack for keeping group dynamics running smoothly. Do you know
somebody like this? Because that person can understand both sides of the same coin,
you know, they're able to understand both different types of people, they're able to
keep it in mind when they're engaging both with introverts and with extroverts and
so that keeps dynamics and groups running smoothly. Ambiverts may be able to lose
themselves in their own thoughts just as easily as they can in a really good
conversation with someone else. And lastly, ambiverts likely are quite adaptable in
many situations so they can flip -flop back and forth depending on the situation. And
although it may not have necessarily been their first choice to do whatever they're
doing, they're able to make most scenarios work OK. I think this is really the case
and the trait of an ambivert in general. It's going to depend and sway towards one
side of the pendulum, dependent on the given situation or the given circumstance. So
there's a lot of flip -flopping back and forth with an ambivert. Does this sound
like you it sounds like me a lot of it sounds not all of it but a lot of it
does and I feel like that third option gives us a little bit more flexibility when
it comes to deciphering where we land on this spectrum that's just it though listen
in it's a scale it's a sliding scale it's a spectrum even Carl Jung that he's the
swiss psychotherapist and psychiatrist that coined these terms He even suggests that
most people have both an introverted and an extroverted side. The likelihood is that
they're probably going to have one that's a little bit more dominant than the other,
but not necessarily. Even within the ambivert, there are varying degrees.
So you've probably heard these terms before. Oh, I'm an introverted extrovert. Or I'm
an extroverted introvert. Oh my gosh, there's so many words. And although both of
these kind of labels, I guess you could say, introverted extrovert or extroverted
introvert, although both of them have tendencies of both an extrovert and an
introvert, they're located on different sides of the ambivert scale. If I were to
look at it, I guess I would probably say to myself, I feel like I may be an
introverted extrovert. I tried to find a list of some of the signs that may
validate this conclusion for me to see if I'm on the right side of thinking, and I
thought it might be helpful to share. So I found this list of signs that you may
be an introvert and extrovert. If this is you, you may not be an entirely open
book. Your environment sets the tone. You're more vulnerable than people realize.
You get exhausted with too many social activities, you love spending time at home,
conversations can either drain or energize you, and you really enjoy talking but
would definitely avoid certain conversations and certain calls.
You're more in your head than people realize, and you enjoy having company, but not
all the time. You need to recharge for activities mentally before you do them. You
take time to warm up to new people, to new environments. Maybe you want recognition,
but you dread attention in a certain way at the same time. You're not trying to
prove yourself to others, but you do enjoy the recognition and you choose who you're
jovial around. A lot of that, I would say, describes me, not all of it again,
but maybe some of those things ring true for you. What about if we look at the
list of signs to be an extroverted introvert? The signs I read for this personality
type talks about the fact that maybe you're social sometimes, but the social things
that you like to do are mostly one -on -one situations. If you're an extroverted
introvert, you get lonely when you're alone for too long. You may speak passionately
about what you know, but you tend to keep quiet otherwise. You show unwavering
loyalty to a small group of friends. You may not answer messages right away because
you need a moment to think before you respond. And you "often create escape plans
when you're in social settings." Which of those feel like you?
I mean, they sound similar, right? This is the hard part. Like, what is the actual
difference between all of these? How do we figure out who we are? It's like this
identity crisis. And this is where my mind goes, "Ah, which one am I?" And so if
you are too, don't fret, have no fear. I can't possibly decide on one of these
labels and run with it for the rest of my life. Like, is anyone else feeling this
way? Like, there's no way that I could say set in stone. Yep, that's me. And as I
said a little while ago in the show, like, yeah, it matters to know where
approximately you sit on this scale, which tendencies you tend to lean toward,
just because it's helpful in understanding yourself and understanding others around
you. But Really, what matters more is understanding the spectrum as a whole,
the theory as a whole. That means that regardless of where you're sitting at any
given time or where your spouse is sitting or your child or your best friend or
your parent, you'll have the knowledge, you'll have the understanding that you need
in order to move forward. And here's a little tidbit of information that I think is
always missing. This is the case especially for women, because here's what I've been
noticing recently. For me, where I sit on this scale varies greatly depending on
where I'm at in my cycle. Because I didn't know much about my cycle before, I
didn't realize how it was overlapping in other things, but now that I am so in
tune with that, I do notice it. And maybe this has been an oversight in the
theory, that we haven't been discussing much before for women specifically when it
comes to introversion and extroversion. And I'm going to give you an example. Like
recently, we had Thanksgiving here in Canada. So if you're a Canadian listener, you
know that. If you're not a Canadian listener, maybe you didn't, but we did. We had
Thanksgiving a couple of weekends ago. And Thanksgiving is my favorite, favorite
holiday. I love Thanksgiving. But guess what? I was in my late luteal and early
menstrual phase for that weekend. And we had so many amazing quality moments with
our families and with our close friends. And even though it's something that I love
doing and I was with my closest people by the end of the weekend, I did feel
completely spent. I was drained. And that has to do not with the people,
not with the circumstance, but with my cycle. I was in late luteal and early
menstrual. Of course I was spent after all of that socializing in that point of my
cycle, whereas if I skip forward to this past weekend in my retreat,
I was in my late follicular and early ovulation phase, a completely different cycle,
and I did feel totally charged by it. But The phase of my cycle dictates where I
would place myself on the spectrum as I'm sure many of you would feel the same way
You know, we at least know That however you identify on this personality type scale,
it's gonna be heightened by your cycle So the more introverted parts of your cycle
aka your luteal and your menstrual phases and your more extroverted parts of your
cycle, your follicular and your ovulation, they're just going to be heightened that
much more depending on which way you lean. That is something we need to keep in
mind. As women, there's so much that fluctuates within our cycle and it doesn't mean
that we're an extrovert or that we're an introvert or that we have to label
ourselves as one or the other. It just means that it's going to go kind of all
over the place on any given time within your cycle. Really, what's it all come down
to? If we want to know our personality type and those of the people that are
around us to help us thrive, but we don't identify steadfastly to any one of them
in particular, what do we do? What's the key? Like, what are we missing here?
The key is our internal experience at the core. And that could look different from
day to day. Our internal experience at the core is rarely noticeable by others.
Although we think we can pick out an extrovert or an introvert in a crowd because
of the way that they're showing up, it's not true. It's such an individual and
unique process inside for so many. And it gives us even more of a reason to
connect more deeply to ourselves and to be able to notice the variances within us
so that we can tune into that and know what we need at any given time. You know,
most people, they're going to utilize both sides of the spectrum in various
circumstances. It's way more nuanced than just am I this or am I that?
very few people live on the extremes there. It's gonna be a muddled mess because
it's innately you and it's made up of your unique combination of genes and your
unique circumstances and maybe the parts of your cycle. There is no one personality
that is better than the other. Introversion and extroversion, basically all it does
is it indicates preferences for getting and expending energy. But there is so much
room for variance and we don't need to stress ourselves out to try and figure out
how we're gonna label ourselves in order to be able to thrive. My argument is that
we're all kind of ambiverts to a certain degree. Sure, maybe we lean a little
closer to one side of the spectrum or the other, but especially as women with our
hormones, with our cycle, we need to be aware that it's gonna fluctuate,
it's gonna shift, it's gonna change, it's a nuanced and fluid thing. We can't give
ourselves one label for all of time and act and react in accordance to that, just
because we think that that is our specific personality type. Although it's important
to be able to identify how we experience the world around us and know how to
understand that in others, we also need to be aware that there's no rigidity to it,
understanding the entire sliding scale and understanding yourself and your own needs.
That will at least just give us the tools to know how to proceed. What we need to
do to recharge, what we need to do to fill ourselves back up. And as I'm learning,
much like almost all things in life, it all just comes down to the depths up which
you understand yourself tuning into that being vulnerable enough to share that with
the ones who matter in our lives even if it shifts even if it changes even if you
experience both sides of the spectrum within one day.
So this age old question, am I an extrovert or am I an introvert. Maybe it's not
that we're having a hard time coming up with the right answer. Maybe it's more that
we're having a hard time formulating the right question in the right way. It
shouldn't be a multiple choice answer. This is more of a short or a long form
response formula that we're going for here. So, Flockies, the next time this debate
comes up in conversation, I really hope that you can open up the floodgates within
that conversation to whoever you're talking to, open up the floodgates to the myth
that we need to be either or, or that our label is what's going to help guide us
to thrive in social settings. And I hope you can show others in conversation that
it's not the label that helps us, but rather the understanding of the theory, the
knowledge of the theory that will help us and our deep understanding of selves that
will eventually bring it all home for us. So there we go floccies. I'm so flocking
grateful for each and every one of you. Thank you for listening. Now that I've
talked for a solid 30 minutes, I'm going to go sit and quiet and read my book to
recharge. But I just want to say as always, thank you for being part of the joyful
flamingo flock. Until next time.
Just a reminder Flamingo Flock that I am not a medical or psychological professional.
Each one of my episodes has been inspired by my own experience and journey through
life and has brought to you through my own opinions and lens. Any suggestions or
advice offered here do not substitute proper conversations with your own health care
professionals for either your physical or mental well -being.